The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
i've created a new STD.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
