FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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