You were right. It hurts to walk today.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
