And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
