id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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