They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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