Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
