you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
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Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
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just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Text me some of your sweat
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