Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
