y did u give ur computer a hand job?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
