I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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