Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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