She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
