yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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