so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
