does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
