her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
