Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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