i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
