Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
