so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
