Kiss
Puke
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
