I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
