I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
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