i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
