what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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