how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
