I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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