I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
