Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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