just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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