Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
