I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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