Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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