dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
