I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
