We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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