I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
