Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
