i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
