I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
You did what with his pubic hair?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
