So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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