now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
