So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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