We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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