I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
