So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
