You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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