1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
