the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
How does one acquire holy water?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
