who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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