i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
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