Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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