The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
