the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
