i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
