Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
