my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
