She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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