Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
