Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize