I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
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I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
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Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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