God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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