I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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