your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
