Please, let me fuck your mom
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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