i need an iv and a liver transplant
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
