Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
