Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
