Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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