I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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