I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
