I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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