She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
