Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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