When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
