We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
