i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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