I'm eating all of the evidence.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
