I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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