Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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