Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
wanna go halves on a baby?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
