I cut my penus on the lid.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
