Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
