Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
