You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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