Soap is not a condiment
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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