drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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