I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue