Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do