Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes